What would happen if you were Cathy's supervisor?

Let's continue. You're cooking dinner, starting todestress, the
food preparation timing is coming together--for once--and your
mother calls: "Could we talk? It'simportant. I need someone to
talk to?" What do you say?

What we would like to say and what we end up doing isusually
two different things. Good news, tactfully sayingno is a
learned skill. It requires know-how and practice.Let's talk
about ten how-tos and alternatives that can helpyou practice.

Tip 1: There are three parts to meshing a "no, but not
no"response. The first part acknowledges and empathizes.
Thesecond part gives a situation statement. In the third,
andlast, part is an action statement.

An example of an empathy or acknowledgment statement:"Sam, I'm
sure this problem is important."

Next, add the second part, a situation statement. Forinstance:
"I'm working on a report that I promised to havecompleted
within the next hour."

The third part, an action statement, needs to describe whatyou
will do or offer as an alternative: "Let's get togetherafter
I've completed my report. How about 2 PM thisafternoon in your
office?"

Instead of saying no directly, you have said no withoutsaying
no.

Tip 2: What if it's your supervisor interrupting you? Whatdo
you do? Here's how to mesh the three parts into a no,without
any further interruption, and into a win for both.

Sandy, your supervisor enters, "Lisa, I hate to interruptyou,
but we have a real problem in the field, I need to talkwith you
right away. Could I see you in my office?"

First, the acknowledgment statement: "Sandy, I'm sure thisis an
important problem." Second, the situation segment:"I'm working
on that report you requested by noon." Third,adding the action:
"Would you like me to defer the reportuntil 3 PM [its imperative
to offer an exact time] so we canmeet now? Or would you like me
to complete this and thencome to your office?" This response
allows your supervisorto see your perspective and situation and
to make adecision.

Tip 3: Discouraging professional interrupters.
Theseprofessionals make a career out of interrupting. They
starttalking and don't stop. They go on and on and when
theyfinally stop to catch a breath, and you get to
saysomething, they interrupt a few minutes later. How do
youhandle these?

Movement is the key. If cornered behind your desk, standup, and
move. If you are already standing up, begin walkingout. If
sitting down, stand up. You can also changemomentum by dropping
something or turning sideways. Reachfor something that has
nothing to do with the conversationor excuse yourself to the
restroom.

Interrupt in the same manner they use with you. It's okay,they
do it because it appears normal to them even if itfeels brash
to you. Here are a few template statements:"Where is this
leading?" "What's your point, I've gottenlost in what I think
is the trivia?" "You have jumpedaround so much on topics, I
don't know which one toaddress."

It's important to practice patience throughout this
process.Professional interrupters don't usually hear you the
firstfew times you ask your question. If need be, become
abroken record. Continue to ask again until they do hearyou.
Identify what is it about their communication style
orinterruption process that annoys you. Provide this
feedbackand communicate your preferred style of being
interrupted ina positive manner.

Tip 4: What about the few that don't get your hints orlisten to
what you are saying? Sometimes they even followyou down the hall
or talk "at" you instead of "with" you?This is a rude
interrupter. Be firm, direct, and abrupt.If they appear to be
bruised, don't let it bother you. Theywill not take what you
said personally even if they say so.Their "taken-aback"
expression is just for show. Actually,it is a form of
manipulation. Don't play and don'tapologize.

If they persist go ahead and give them an ultimatum: "Yourudely
interrupt me. I've tolerated this in the past;however, it has to
stop NOW." When they finally realize youare not playing their
game, they will stop. They will eithertotally avoid you in the
future or return with respect.Generally, they will return with
a new awareness aboutthemselves. When they do, accept their
apology. But don'tcount on it. And if they don't return, you
haven't lostanything.

Tip 5: If you can, keep doing what you are doing. Look
up,smile, point to a notepad and pen, and then return to
whatyou were doing.

Tip 6: Sometimes the position of your furniture
invitesinterruptions. Especially if your office is
beautifullydesigned, or contains natural ingredients, like
plants.Others want to be around this energy. It's
attractive.It's renewing to them as much as it is to you.
There's onlyone suggestion when this occurs. Suggest that they
changetheir office to reflect a similar energy. Afterwards,
theywill not want to leave their office as easily.

Tip 7: If you frequently get trapped behind your desk.Plan and
practice various escape routes and methods. Again,consider
rearranging the furniture to allow for escaperoutes.

Tip 8: Discourage squatters. If your interruptions are dueto
people consistently coming in and just sitting andtalking,
remove any empty chairs. Place them outside youroffice so they
are available when needed but not too closeto the door that
they can easily be dragged in when someoneenters.

Tip 9: Do people wait for you to get off a phone call?Place a
sign on the desk: "If I'm on a phone call, pleaseleave me a
note. I'll check back with you as soon as I'moff the phone."

An alternative: Train others in a silent hand code. Useyour
fingers to indicate how long you are going to be. Oneindex
finger explains that you will be off the phone in aminute or
two, please stay. Full hand with a wave says, "Idon't know how
long and I'll get back to you." This silentcode allows you to
continue your focus, acknowledges them,and also allows them to
make a decision on their time.

Tip 10: Many of these ways for handling interruptions atwork
can also apply at home. Here is one that transferswell.

Name a "personal spot." An area you can call your own. Itcan be
a den, sewing room, shed, or an extra bedroom. Thismeans this
spot makes you off limits to interruptions. Ifyou have
children, explain to them what interruption means,why you need
some personal space, and give them the sameopportunity and
courtesy.

Purchase a clock sign at the office supply store -- the
sametype retailer's use on their front doors -- to indicate
whattime you will be available again. Or you could add a
whiteboard so they can write their note. Like college
studentsuse on their dorm room doors. A magnetic board would
workwell for younger or smaller children. Create magnets
foreach family member that they can move to a spot
alreadywritten: "Bobby wants you."

The Other Side Of The Coin

The other side of this perspective is using interruptions
toboost productivity. People sometimes use interruptions topush
themselves into overdrive. This helps some peoplewhile it
disrupts others. This habit gets them to move pasttheir own
procrastination habits to complete their tasks.This need can
also be an addictive behavior sometimesdisguised as
"workaholicism."