No matter how wonderful you are sometimes other people will
try to take advantage of your good nature. They will push
you, get you to do more than your fair share and keep
asking you to do even more.

And worst of all -- often your efforts will be taken for
granted. Unless you can say No, the situation will not
change in fact it may get even more difficult.

That is unless you can say No to these unreasonable people
because very often to win respect from people you have to
sometimes say No.

Here are 4 great ways to stand up for yourself and say No:


1 Soften the No

Instead of shouting No at the person and creating an
uncomfortable encounter you can instead soften the No by
postponing your help.

For example --

- No, I am busy right now but I can help you later on
- No, I have other things to do at the moment
- Right now I do not have a free moment maybe later on
- I would love to help but not at this minute, try John

What you are doing is softening the No by saying not now
rather than an outright No. This is a lot easier to do
especially when dealing with people who intimidate you.


2 Negotiate

To deal with people who want your help but are slow to help
you -- negotiate! When they want something from you, you
have the power - use it!

Say you are happy to help on one condition -- that they
help you immediately when you seek their help. They will
usually agree because they have to! If they say No, again
as above, postpone helping them if you can.

There are some people who view the world in terms of what
is in it for them and the concerns of others are of
secondary importance. With these people you are wasting
your time talking about your needs.

For that reason you have to link your needs to their gains
by negotiating - tell them they will get what they want IF
you get what you want.


3 Say No When You Do Not Care About the Outcome

When you are flexing this new found ability to say No for
the first time use every opportunity to get some practice
e.g.

- In a restaurant, say no to the first table you are offered
- at home say no to coffee when everyone else says Yes
- In a store say yes to an offer of help but No to the
product

What I mean is to say No when you are dealing with people
whose approval is not that important to you. You will
quickly learn through experience that it is not the end of
the world if you say no and the other person is not pleased
with you.

4 Say No to the Big Request and Yes to a Smaller One

Sometimes you are going to be asked to do more than your
fair share. If you cannot avoid the job you may need to
consider doing part of it.

A good way to handle these requests is to offer to do part
of the job but not all of it. For example:

- I will clean 2 rooms if you do the other 3 rooms
- I can do 5 pages of the report as long as you help
- If you start the project I will finish it


By standing up for yourself on small points you will
gradually assert yourself more often on the big issues. The
main thing is to get started today on winning back control
of your interactions with anyone who pushes you too far.