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Insights
One of the leading executive job search firms and job placement agencies in Thane, India
Are You Addicted to Anger? Michael was raised in a home where anger was used to control. His parents used their anger to attempt to control each other as well as their children. Sometimes the anger erupted into violence and Michael and his siblings would get physically hurt. Michael never knew when one of his parents would suddenly become enraged, so the threat was always there. Michael was the oldest of four children and was often put in charge of taking care of his siblings. He often took out on his siblings his fear and rage at being abused by his parents. While some part of Michael didn't want to be like his parents, this was all he knew. As an adult, Michael struggles with his frequent anger at his wife and children. His wife threatened to leave him if he didn't get some help, which is what led him to consult with me. "Michael, anger is often used to cover up another, more painful feeling. What do you think you are covering up with your anger?" I asked. "I don't know. I just get so frustrated and then out comes the anger." "What did you feel as a child, besides scared, when your parents were angry and violent with you?" "I guess I felt pretty much alone." "You must have felt very alone and uncared for and also helpless over what was happening." "Yes, I felt so helpless! I hated feeling so alone and helpless. It was so scary. I couldn't wait to get bigger so I wouldn't feel so helpless." "What triggers that helpless feeling now?" "Humm.I guess it's when my wife and kids don't do what I want them to do or what I think they should do." "So rather than feel and accept your helplessness over them, which is the reality but is a difficult feeling to feel, you avoid feeling that old helplessness by trying to control them with your anger, just as your parents did. Is that right?" "I guess so. I guess I try to control them rather than feel helpless. But why should I feel helpless? It's an awful feeling.
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