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Insights
One of the leading executive job search firms and job placement agencies in Thane, India
Are You Controlling or Loving Yourself? How often do you hear a parental voice in your head that says things like, "You've got to lose weight," or "You should get up earlier every morning and exercise," or "Today I should get caught up on the bills," or "I've got to get rid of this clutter." Let's explore what happens in response to this voice. We have a very good reason for judging ourselves: the judgmental part of us believes that by judging, criticizing, "shoulding" ourselves, we will motivate ourselves to take action and therefore protect against failure or rejection. We may have been judging ourselves to get ourselves to do things "right" since we were kids, hoping to keep ourselves in line. And we keep on doing it because we believe it works. Let's take the example of Karl, who is a high-powered executive in a large accounting firm. Karl has had a heart attack and is supposed to watch his diet. Right after his heart attack, he did well avoiding sugar, fats, and overeating, but after six months or so, he found himself struggling with his food plan. In our counseling session, Karl told me he was upset with himself for having a big desert as well as a big meal the night before. I asked Karl to put himself back into the situation and recreate what he had been feeling. "Well, I was out to dinner with one of our biggest clients. He asked me a question and I didn't remember the facts, so I couldn't answer him. As soon as this happened, that voice came into my head telling me that I'm stupid, that I should have remembered it and `What's the matter with me anyway?'" "What did you feel as soon as you judged yourself?" I asked. "Well, looking back, I think I felt that sad, sort of dark empty hollow feeling I often get inside. And you know what - that's when I started to eat a lot of bread with tons of butter and ordered the desert! I didn't realize it was in response to that empty feeling that I hate!"
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